An Update

I just wanted to post quick and let you all know how today went. I went to the Dr. this morning and he went over the results of my CT scan. He said that based on the scan he was almost certain that I had another ruptured ovarian cyst and that was what was causing all the pain. I am not sure why the Dr. on Saturday did not communicate this with me; nevertheless, the Dr. today seemed pretty confident with his diagnosis based on the scan. He likewise commented on some other findings in the scan that are consistent with his diagnosis that the first Dr. did not mention (at least I don't remember her mentioning them). Anyway, just wanted to let you all know that I am feeling better today and hopefully the worst is past. Thanks for all your prayers and encouragements-- I really appreciate it. And thanks to my loving husband who was so thoughtful this weekend and really helped me with everything. I don't normally give health updates on my blog :-) but I thought I would tonight so you all know that I'm okay. Thanks for reading. I'll try to post on other thoughts later in the week...have a great night!

Love,
Andrea

Please pray for me...

Hello All,

I know it has been some time since my last post! I had planned on posting this weekend but alas, have had a very eventful past few days. These are the events that have comprised the past couple days...

Friday a.m.

I woke up at about 7:00 a.m. to start my day. I had many errands that I wanted to run, including some fun activities for the kiddos. Around 7:30 I began to notice a pain in my side, similar to the pain I had experienced back in June when I was diagnosed with a ruptured ovarian cyst. Within a few minutes the pain had increased and was so acute that I sat on couch and called Tom. He had a big job on Friday so we decided that I would try and tough it out as long as possible to buy him some time. I called my family physician and scheduled an appointment for 3:00 p.m.

Friday p.m.

I made it through the day allowing the kids to watch too much television because it was all I could do to feed the baby and get the boys breakfast and lunch. They did really well and by God's grace we made it until Tom got home. He drove me to my appointment and I met with a Physician's Assistant who sent me on to E.R. fearing that I had an ectopic pregnancy. I told her that I did not feel that was the case as much since the experience was almost identical to what had happened back in June. Nonetheless, away to the E.R. we went.

Five hours and a myriad of tests later, they sent me home with no answers as to what was causing all my pain. They did two ultrasounds and several other test and found no abnormalities with my ovaries. The doctor at the E.R. looked at me questioningly and it became evident to me, as well as a dear friend who was there with me, that he was not taking me seriously. He gave me the option of staying another three hours and getting a CT scan or going home and trying to have one ordered through my family physician. At that point, poor Ellie had hardly eaten all day and was screaming back at home with poor Tom trying to console her. I decided to go home.

Saturday a.m.

I awoke around 2:00 a.m. to feed Ellie and could not go back to sleep because the pain was so great. I was awake until around 5:30 a.m. when the Vicodin finally kicked in and I was able to fall asleep. Ellie was up part of that time and at least gave me something to keep my mind off the discomfort I was experiencing.

Saturday morning I spoke with our family physician's office to see about having a CT scan done. The nurse that I had spoken with wanted me to come in to be examined before the doctor ordered the scan. I told her about all the tests they had run the night before and she said nothing more of me needing to come in but that she would talk to the Dr. and see if they could order the scan. I told her in that conversation that I was having suspicions that the pain was not related to my ovaries at all but perhaps was related to my kidneys, e.g. kidney stones. My husband had passed a kidney stone back in May and my symptoms were very similar to his. She called me later to say they had ordered the scan.

Saturday p.m.

Several hours and almost two liters of barium sulfate later, I headed to the hospital to have the CT scan. Upon laying down and being prepped, they informed me that they were going to give me an injection of iodine to enhance the images picked up by the scanner. I inquired as to the safety of such a procedure since I was breastfeeding and was told I could not breastfeed my baby for the next twenty-four hours if I got the injection. Many of you know that Ellie will not take a bottle, let alone formula in a bottle, and with tears in my eyes I asked what I was supposed to do. The technician said I could opt out of the injection but that the results might not be as accurate. I opted out of the injection as I just felt I could not take the pain I was experiencing along with a screaming baby.

The Results...

The doctor called me to tell me results of my scan: my left ovary was slightly enlarged but otherwise everything looked normal. I asked her about the kidney stones. Her voice sounded irritated and she said, "The scan we did was not looking for kidney stones and they would not appear with the type of procedure I ordered for you." At this point I was in tears and asked why they did not check for kidney stones. She explained that the nurse that morning had communicated to her that I had refused to come in and so ordered a scan based on what the E.R. doctor the night before had been looking for. She explained that had I come in that morning, she could have examined me and run tests accordingly but that I should be thankful because she did me a favor in ordering the scan that she did.

I was so angry and frustrated! I told her that I had not refused to come in and did not realize that it was essential for me come that morning. She did not seem sympathetic at all. When I asked her what I was supposed to do in the meantime she said I could either go back to the E.R. or go home and wait until Monday and get an appointment to be examined again at the clinic. I chose to go home.

Today...

Last night was a hard night. I got more sleep that the previous night but am still very uncomfortable. The pain comes in waves and when it hits, all I can do is sit, curled up in a ball, until it passes. Sometimes it lasts a long time. On top of the pain, I feel very nauseated and have had very little to eat since Friday. I am feeling extremely discouraged today and confused as to why this whole thing has been such an ordeal. I am planning to go in for a follow-up appointment tomorrow and hopefully will soon have some answers. At this point we are not sure if Tom will have to take some time off. I guess we will see.

Anyway, I am sorry this is so long but I needed to vent. Please pray for me as I am very uncomfortable and very tired. Tom has been doing his best with the kids but it has been a long weekend for all of us. Please pray I will get some answers and that they will find what is causing all this discomfort. I speculate that I was misdiagnosed back in June and that nothing is wrong with my ovaries. I wonder if I had a kidney stone back in June and now have another one or perhaps the one back in June never passed and now is back. I am not a physician so I could be totally wrong but everything else is normal and I am still in so much pain.

Well, thanks for reading. Blessings to all of you on this still beautiful Sunday morning--praise God for a day of worship!

Love,

Andrea

Too long...

Greetings! Much has happened since I posted last and I know I have really been slacking with regards to this blog. I have written more since my last post but those writings shall remain drafted in my folder as I think they may be a bit too ornery to post :-) Anyway, I have to make this short tonight.

Since Z's birthday, life here has been busy. I am constantly feeling frustrated at how little I am able to accomplish in a day. I have been reminded in numerous ways that the mercies of God are fresh every morning and every night hold out hope that tomorrow I will be able to endure the whining, fighting, mess-making chaos that accompanies every day (which is also offset by the giggles, hugs and cuddles that keep it all in perspective). The isolation of being a stay-at-home mom is sometimes more than I can bear and I trust each day that the Lord will sustain me through this time.

As to the daily happenings of life in the Bailey household...

We went to our first meeting of New City Fellowship and it turned out to be an adventure. I will post more on this another time. Tom has had some long hours the past two weeks but is enjoying his job. Ellie is practically crawling and doing what we call the 'inch worm'. The attic, which we are converting to a bedroom, is 3/4 finished. Lastly, the kiddos went to their first gymnastics class--so cute!

On a lighter note...

At the dinner table we were listening to a children's CD and the song, 'This Little Light of Mine,' came on. Zachary began singing along, proudly displaying his middle finger and said, "Look at my light Mommy, this is the light finger!"

Okay, well I will post more soon...although my soon may not be too soon!

Happy Birthday Big Guy!

Well, four years ago today Tom and I embarked on this exciting and challenging journey of parenthood--it has been an adventure! Today Zachary celebrated his fourth birthday and we are so blessed to have him in our lives. He is such a sweet, caring and thoughtful little boy! When I asked him today how it felt to be four he said, "Well now I am big and I can help you cook and do laundry!" Such aspirations! I promise I did not put those ideas in his head! I don't know what prompted those thoughts but we sure laughed! We celebrated his special day yesterday with a party that included lunch, games, cake (he had been asking for a CARS cake all last year and was quite excited with this one!) and gifts. I know it meant a lot to him to have his very own party and so many loving birthday wishes. Ellie and Ethan love their big brother and had fun celebrating his big day as well. Thank you to all, both here and those far away, for making his day so special! We are excited to see what this next year holds and cannot believe how fast the time has gone! Happy birthday little man, we love you and are so thankful for you!

More Toddler Talk...

Here's few good ones from this past week...

Zachary: "If Ethan keeps being mean at me I'm not going to be his brother anymore! Ethan, I'm not your brother anymore because you won't stop being mean at me." Ethan, pouting, replies,"But why? Me want to be your brother."

Zachary: "Ethan, pretend you are old because if you are old you don't need money anymore." (Not sure where he got this idea from)

Ethan: "Bye-bye. Thank you for using the alligator (referring to the toy he was pretending was an elevator)."

As I was nursing Ellie this afternoon, Ethan looked at me and said,"Mommy when me little like Ellie, me eat you too."

Ethan: "Mommy when you get little you can take bath like Zatry and Ellie and Ethan and daddy can wash you hair."

As Ethan was playing with his little plastic vegetable toys, his little make-believe dialogue went like this, "Hello corn, me carrot. Hello carrot, me corn." So cute!

More next week!

Andrea

The Solace of Home

Hello All,

Well I have say on this post that I am so thankful to all of you who responded and encouraged me to persevere in the blogging world. I have taken your exhortations to heart and I will keep this blog and post when I can :-)

Today was an intense day to say the least. I am learning everyday the humility that is wrought through parenting. I remember when Tom and I first were married, imagining what life would be like with children and resolving that there were just certain things that I would not allow my children to do. Now some of those things remain in tact and are honorable aspirations; however, many of my ideals have since passed by the wayside and I am seeing more and more that there are certain aspects of life with children that just happen, despite your best efforts to be a faithful, responsible and loving parent. This was our day...

We began the morning early as usual. The boys were excited because we had told them last night that we were going to a new church this morning that was far away (New Life Presbyterian in Philly). I had ironed all our clothes the night before so as to offset some of the chaos that always accompanies Sunday mornings in our house. Nevertheless, the morning was still a little stressful as Ethan was tired and refused to eat his breakfast.

We managed to get out the door mostly on time and arrived at a local church parking lot where we were meeting up with others also going to this church. Upon our arrival, we told the kiddos that we were going to stay in the van while Daddy went to see when we were planning to head out. It didn't take long before we realized that we would not be leaving right away, so Tom told the kids they could get out. They began running around the parking lot and eventually climbed back in the van to play. While all this was going on, Tom and I were trying to watch the kids and maintain conversations with people we had just met for the first time. Out of the corner of my eye I saw our van move slightly and thought for a split second that the kids were jumping around inside. It did not take long before I realized the van was moving in reverse!!! I yelled and ran over to the van immediately shouting at Tom to help. He quickly ran to the front seat where Ethan was seated and "driving" the van! AHHHHH! Tom, recognizing that he had left the keys in the van, was not too hard Ethan but reprimanded him... and thus began our day. Praising God for his mercy and protection, we headed out to Philly and I could feel the growing nervousness in my stomach as to what the day would be like with three little ones, no naps and a rough beginning to our little excursion.

To my surprise the kids did okay...until lunch. At lunch Ellie was quite tired and finally fell asleep. I carefully placed her into her infant seat not wanting to buckle her in so as not to wake her. Bad choice. I kept a careful eye on her but when both of the boys accidentally spilled their lemonade all over the table and I was cleaning it up, Ellie decided to wake up, wiggled her way out of the infant seat and landed on the floor under the bench that her seat was next to (her infant seat was already on the ground so she did not slip far--but still!!!). As I was trying to clean up lemonade, I see several people run over to where Ellie's car seat is to rescue her and at this point am feeling like a complete failure as a parent. Overwhelmed with my kids and annoyed at my husband (which was not his fault because he was trying to help), I smiled and thanked those around me for their assistance and tried to display some level of composure while inwardly feeling quite unraveled. We wrapped up with lunch, said our goodbyes and left for home. The ride was quiet as all the kids were quite tired from their misadventures and Tom and I were likewise quite exasperated.

We came home and I experienced a solace that can only be felt when one feels as unsettled as I did today. I wonder if that is just a glimpse of what it will feel like when the Lord calls me Home. The sensation was one of relief, security and familiarity. It was great to be home again. The kids were wonderful the rest of the evening and now here I am typing, anticipating crawling into bed and getting some rest.

Overall, the day was not a complete failure. We were tremendously blessed by the worship service at the church we attended. We got to spend the day fellowshipping with faithful saints and we had several meaningful conversations along the way. God certainly gave us grace today and reminded me that the goal of raising children is not to demonstrate to the world that I have it altogether. I clearly do not. Still, by His mercy, I know He will be faithful to give me the patience and strength that I need for tomorrow to love my children and teach them to obey and fear God.

In closing, it is days like today that remind me of the constant ache we all feel for our heavenly Home. We search for comfort, security and rest in the familiarity of our earthly homes but in reality this is only a glimpse of the repose of the soul that we will experience when we are united with Christ in Heaven. As I end this day, I am reminded of Isaiah 40:11 where Isaiah writes, "He tends his flock like a shepherd: He gathers the lambs in his arms and carries them close to his heart; he gently leads those that have young."

As I begin this week, I look ahead to the gentle and sustaining care of my God. Goodnight and more posts to come...

Ellie's Debut