The Solace of Home

Hello All,

Well I have say on this post that I am so thankful to all of you who responded and encouraged me to persevere in the blogging world. I have taken your exhortations to heart and I will keep this blog and post when I can :-)

Today was an intense day to say the least. I am learning everyday the humility that is wrought through parenting. I remember when Tom and I first were married, imagining what life would be like with children and resolving that there were just certain things that I would not allow my children to do. Now some of those things remain in tact and are honorable aspirations; however, many of my ideals have since passed by the wayside and I am seeing more and more that there are certain aspects of life with children that just happen, despite your best efforts to be a faithful, responsible and loving parent. This was our day...

We began the morning early as usual. The boys were excited because we had told them last night that we were going to a new church this morning that was far away (New Life Presbyterian in Philly). I had ironed all our clothes the night before so as to offset some of the chaos that always accompanies Sunday mornings in our house. Nevertheless, the morning was still a little stressful as Ethan was tired and refused to eat his breakfast.

We managed to get out the door mostly on time and arrived at a local church parking lot where we were meeting up with others also going to this church. Upon our arrival, we told the kiddos that we were going to stay in the van while Daddy went to see when we were planning to head out. It didn't take long before we realized that we would not be leaving right away, so Tom told the kids they could get out. They began running around the parking lot and eventually climbed back in the van to play. While all this was going on, Tom and I were trying to watch the kids and maintain conversations with people we had just met for the first time. Out of the corner of my eye I saw our van move slightly and thought for a split second that the kids were jumping around inside. It did not take long before I realized the van was moving in reverse!!! I yelled and ran over to the van immediately shouting at Tom to help. He quickly ran to the front seat where Ethan was seated and "driving" the van! AHHHHH! Tom, recognizing that he had left the keys in the van, was not too hard Ethan but reprimanded him... and thus began our day. Praising God for his mercy and protection, we headed out to Philly and I could feel the growing nervousness in my stomach as to what the day would be like with three little ones, no naps and a rough beginning to our little excursion.

To my surprise the kids did okay...until lunch. At lunch Ellie was quite tired and finally fell asleep. I carefully placed her into her infant seat not wanting to buckle her in so as not to wake her. Bad choice. I kept a careful eye on her but when both of the boys accidentally spilled their lemonade all over the table and I was cleaning it up, Ellie decided to wake up, wiggled her way out of the infant seat and landed on the floor under the bench that her seat was next to (her infant seat was already on the ground so she did not slip far--but still!!!). As I was trying to clean up lemonade, I see several people run over to where Ellie's car seat is to rescue her and at this point am feeling like a complete failure as a parent. Overwhelmed with my kids and annoyed at my husband (which was not his fault because he was trying to help), I smiled and thanked those around me for their assistance and tried to display some level of composure while inwardly feeling quite unraveled. We wrapped up with lunch, said our goodbyes and left for home. The ride was quiet as all the kids were quite tired from their misadventures and Tom and I were likewise quite exasperated.

We came home and I experienced a solace that can only be felt when one feels as unsettled as I did today. I wonder if that is just a glimpse of what it will feel like when the Lord calls me Home. The sensation was one of relief, security and familiarity. It was great to be home again. The kids were wonderful the rest of the evening and now here I am typing, anticipating crawling into bed and getting some rest.

Overall, the day was not a complete failure. We were tremendously blessed by the worship service at the church we attended. We got to spend the day fellowshipping with faithful saints and we had several meaningful conversations along the way. God certainly gave us grace today and reminded me that the goal of raising children is not to demonstrate to the world that I have it altogether. I clearly do not. Still, by His mercy, I know He will be faithful to give me the patience and strength that I need for tomorrow to love my children and teach them to obey and fear God.

In closing, it is days like today that remind me of the constant ache we all feel for our heavenly Home. We search for comfort, security and rest in the familiarity of our earthly homes but in reality this is only a glimpse of the repose of the soul that we will experience when we are united with Christ in Heaven. As I end this day, I am reminded of Isaiah 40:11 where Isaiah writes, "He tends his flock like a shepherd: He gathers the lambs in his arms and carries them close to his heart; he gently leads those that have young."

As I begin this week, I look ahead to the gentle and sustaining care of my God. Goodnight and more posts to come...