A Long Time Coming...

To all of my readers, I am sorry it has been so long! What is really sad is that I have about five previous posts that I wrote in part and never finished or published. But today I am determined to finish this post and publish it!

Life here has been eventful. We have a lot going on with various ministry adventures here in Lancaster city and we are also trying to remodel our attic into a bedroom for the boys before Christmas. We are toying with the idea of buying a different house and it seems like there is a never ending pile of laundry and housework to get done.

The kids are always keeping me busy and the last few weeks have been full of snowball-throwing, stir-craziness and temper-tantrums! We have had some good times though and I am really enjoying this stage despite the constant noise that accompanies my two and four year old sons. As well, Ellie has her own voice and has discovered how to scream...it's so dear...especially at the dinner table :-). She is crawling, pulling herself up to stand and eating just about everything she finds on the floor. She is so sweet and loves to smile and laugh.

Tom's job is going very well, the kids are really enjoying life and I am seeing glimpses of my sanity now and again. I really do praise God for the amazing gift of children and despite the chaos that comes with little ones, I really am going to miss this when they are grown. I love their little laughs, silly sayings and the extreme enjoyment they find in life. I can see when I put them to bed at night, the comfort and security they feel when Tom and I tuck them in and pray with them. As each day teaches them more and more about the dangers of living in a fallen world, it is evident that they feel safe in our love for them...and that makes all this striving worth it.

Here are a few funny sayings from past weeks:

Zachary was trying to get Ethan to answer him and Ethan refused to speak. After a moment Zachary said to me, "Mommy, Ethan is a quiet creature."

In the van the other night, Zachary kept yawning. Finally he yelled to me in frustration, "Mommy, I can't get these yawns to stop coming. How do I get them to stop?"

When doing catechisms with the boys, we asked the question, "Who are the three persons of the Godhead?" To which the boys replied, "Um, God the Father, Moses..." We are working on that one :-)

When playing with his little friend, Anya, the other day, Zachary and Anya were playing with one of her dolls and pretending that she died and then rose again.

Today Zachary said to me, "Mommy, when I grow up, can you call me Spider-man?"

Ethan hurt his ankle today and came limping into the kitchen crying in frustration, "But my foot won't work anymore!!! It's not working, mommy!"

In the van the other day, Zachary said to Tom, "Daddy, when I grow up, I want to be just like you." Ethan then shouted triumphantly, "And I want to be just like Mommy!"

This time of year is always hard for me as I get homesick for my family and friends that are far away. The more I enjoy my children, the more I am saddened that so many of the ones I love do not get to delight in them here with me. Nevertheless, I am thankful for blogs, email and digital cameras that make sharing life with those far away more possible.

Well, blessings to you all this Advent season. I am going to try and post before Christmas and my goal is to get a Christmas card out this year. Do you think it will happen? I think I may also do a Christmas letter on my blog...but that might be too ambitious. We'll see. Also, if you're reading this Aunt Marcia, I am praying for you! I pray you will have electricity soon!

Peace In Christ...Andrea

An Update

I just wanted to post quick and let you all know how today went. I went to the Dr. this morning and he went over the results of my CT scan. He said that based on the scan he was almost certain that I had another ruptured ovarian cyst and that was what was causing all the pain. I am not sure why the Dr. on Saturday did not communicate this with me; nevertheless, the Dr. today seemed pretty confident with his diagnosis based on the scan. He likewise commented on some other findings in the scan that are consistent with his diagnosis that the first Dr. did not mention (at least I don't remember her mentioning them). Anyway, just wanted to let you all know that I am feeling better today and hopefully the worst is past. Thanks for all your prayers and encouragements-- I really appreciate it. And thanks to my loving husband who was so thoughtful this weekend and really helped me with everything. I don't normally give health updates on my blog :-) but I thought I would tonight so you all know that I'm okay. Thanks for reading. I'll try to post on other thoughts later in the week...have a great night!

Love,
Andrea

Please pray for me...

Hello All,

I know it has been some time since my last post! I had planned on posting this weekend but alas, have had a very eventful past few days. These are the events that have comprised the past couple days...

Friday a.m.

I woke up at about 7:00 a.m. to start my day. I had many errands that I wanted to run, including some fun activities for the kiddos. Around 7:30 I began to notice a pain in my side, similar to the pain I had experienced back in June when I was diagnosed with a ruptured ovarian cyst. Within a few minutes the pain had increased and was so acute that I sat on couch and called Tom. He had a big job on Friday so we decided that I would try and tough it out as long as possible to buy him some time. I called my family physician and scheduled an appointment for 3:00 p.m.

Friday p.m.

I made it through the day allowing the kids to watch too much television because it was all I could do to feed the baby and get the boys breakfast and lunch. They did really well and by God's grace we made it until Tom got home. He drove me to my appointment and I met with a Physician's Assistant who sent me on to E.R. fearing that I had an ectopic pregnancy. I told her that I did not feel that was the case as much since the experience was almost identical to what had happened back in June. Nonetheless, away to the E.R. we went.

Five hours and a myriad of tests later, they sent me home with no answers as to what was causing all my pain. They did two ultrasounds and several other test and found no abnormalities with my ovaries. The doctor at the E.R. looked at me questioningly and it became evident to me, as well as a dear friend who was there with me, that he was not taking me seriously. He gave me the option of staying another three hours and getting a CT scan or going home and trying to have one ordered through my family physician. At that point, poor Ellie had hardly eaten all day and was screaming back at home with poor Tom trying to console her. I decided to go home.

Saturday a.m.

I awoke around 2:00 a.m. to feed Ellie and could not go back to sleep because the pain was so great. I was awake until around 5:30 a.m. when the Vicodin finally kicked in and I was able to fall asleep. Ellie was up part of that time and at least gave me something to keep my mind off the discomfort I was experiencing.

Saturday morning I spoke with our family physician's office to see about having a CT scan done. The nurse that I had spoken with wanted me to come in to be examined before the doctor ordered the scan. I told her about all the tests they had run the night before and she said nothing more of me needing to come in but that she would talk to the Dr. and see if they could order the scan. I told her in that conversation that I was having suspicions that the pain was not related to my ovaries at all but perhaps was related to my kidneys, e.g. kidney stones. My husband had passed a kidney stone back in May and my symptoms were very similar to his. She called me later to say they had ordered the scan.

Saturday p.m.

Several hours and almost two liters of barium sulfate later, I headed to the hospital to have the CT scan. Upon laying down and being prepped, they informed me that they were going to give me an injection of iodine to enhance the images picked up by the scanner. I inquired as to the safety of such a procedure since I was breastfeeding and was told I could not breastfeed my baby for the next twenty-four hours if I got the injection. Many of you know that Ellie will not take a bottle, let alone formula in a bottle, and with tears in my eyes I asked what I was supposed to do. The technician said I could opt out of the injection but that the results might not be as accurate. I opted out of the injection as I just felt I could not take the pain I was experiencing along with a screaming baby.

The Results...

The doctor called me to tell me results of my scan: my left ovary was slightly enlarged but otherwise everything looked normal. I asked her about the kidney stones. Her voice sounded irritated and she said, "The scan we did was not looking for kidney stones and they would not appear with the type of procedure I ordered for you." At this point I was in tears and asked why they did not check for kidney stones. She explained that the nurse that morning had communicated to her that I had refused to come in and so ordered a scan based on what the E.R. doctor the night before had been looking for. She explained that had I come in that morning, she could have examined me and run tests accordingly but that I should be thankful because she did me a favor in ordering the scan that she did.

I was so angry and frustrated! I told her that I had not refused to come in and did not realize that it was essential for me come that morning. She did not seem sympathetic at all. When I asked her what I was supposed to do in the meantime she said I could either go back to the E.R. or go home and wait until Monday and get an appointment to be examined again at the clinic. I chose to go home.

Today...

Last night was a hard night. I got more sleep that the previous night but am still very uncomfortable. The pain comes in waves and when it hits, all I can do is sit, curled up in a ball, until it passes. Sometimes it lasts a long time. On top of the pain, I feel very nauseated and have had very little to eat since Friday. I am feeling extremely discouraged today and confused as to why this whole thing has been such an ordeal. I am planning to go in for a follow-up appointment tomorrow and hopefully will soon have some answers. At this point we are not sure if Tom will have to take some time off. I guess we will see.

Anyway, I am sorry this is so long but I needed to vent. Please pray for me as I am very uncomfortable and very tired. Tom has been doing his best with the kids but it has been a long weekend for all of us. Please pray I will get some answers and that they will find what is causing all this discomfort. I speculate that I was misdiagnosed back in June and that nothing is wrong with my ovaries. I wonder if I had a kidney stone back in June and now have another one or perhaps the one back in June never passed and now is back. I am not a physician so I could be totally wrong but everything else is normal and I am still in so much pain.

Well, thanks for reading. Blessings to all of you on this still beautiful Sunday morning--praise God for a day of worship!

Love,

Andrea

Too long...

Greetings! Much has happened since I posted last and I know I have really been slacking with regards to this blog. I have written more since my last post but those writings shall remain drafted in my folder as I think they may be a bit too ornery to post :-) Anyway, I have to make this short tonight.

Since Z's birthday, life here has been busy. I am constantly feeling frustrated at how little I am able to accomplish in a day. I have been reminded in numerous ways that the mercies of God are fresh every morning and every night hold out hope that tomorrow I will be able to endure the whining, fighting, mess-making chaos that accompanies every day (which is also offset by the giggles, hugs and cuddles that keep it all in perspective). The isolation of being a stay-at-home mom is sometimes more than I can bear and I trust each day that the Lord will sustain me through this time.

As to the daily happenings of life in the Bailey household...

We went to our first meeting of New City Fellowship and it turned out to be an adventure. I will post more on this another time. Tom has had some long hours the past two weeks but is enjoying his job. Ellie is practically crawling and doing what we call the 'inch worm'. The attic, which we are converting to a bedroom, is 3/4 finished. Lastly, the kiddos went to their first gymnastics class--so cute!

On a lighter note...

At the dinner table we were listening to a children's CD and the song, 'This Little Light of Mine,' came on. Zachary began singing along, proudly displaying his middle finger and said, "Look at my light Mommy, this is the light finger!"

Okay, well I will post more soon...although my soon may not be too soon!

Happy Birthday Big Guy!

Well, four years ago today Tom and I embarked on this exciting and challenging journey of parenthood--it has been an adventure! Today Zachary celebrated his fourth birthday and we are so blessed to have him in our lives. He is such a sweet, caring and thoughtful little boy! When I asked him today how it felt to be four he said, "Well now I am big and I can help you cook and do laundry!" Such aspirations! I promise I did not put those ideas in his head! I don't know what prompted those thoughts but we sure laughed! We celebrated his special day yesterday with a party that included lunch, games, cake (he had been asking for a CARS cake all last year and was quite excited with this one!) and gifts. I know it meant a lot to him to have his very own party and so many loving birthday wishes. Ellie and Ethan love their big brother and had fun celebrating his big day as well. Thank you to all, both here and those far away, for making his day so special! We are excited to see what this next year holds and cannot believe how fast the time has gone! Happy birthday little man, we love you and are so thankful for you!

More Toddler Talk...

Here's few good ones from this past week...

Zachary: "If Ethan keeps being mean at me I'm not going to be his brother anymore! Ethan, I'm not your brother anymore because you won't stop being mean at me." Ethan, pouting, replies,"But why? Me want to be your brother."

Zachary: "Ethan, pretend you are old because if you are old you don't need money anymore." (Not sure where he got this idea from)

Ethan: "Bye-bye. Thank you for using the alligator (referring to the toy he was pretending was an elevator)."

As I was nursing Ellie this afternoon, Ethan looked at me and said,"Mommy when me little like Ellie, me eat you too."

Ethan: "Mommy when you get little you can take bath like Zatry and Ellie and Ethan and daddy can wash you hair."

As Ethan was playing with his little plastic vegetable toys, his little make-believe dialogue went like this, "Hello corn, me carrot. Hello carrot, me corn." So cute!

More next week!

Andrea

The Solace of Home

Hello All,

Well I have say on this post that I am so thankful to all of you who responded and encouraged me to persevere in the blogging world. I have taken your exhortations to heart and I will keep this blog and post when I can :-)

Today was an intense day to say the least. I am learning everyday the humility that is wrought through parenting. I remember when Tom and I first were married, imagining what life would be like with children and resolving that there were just certain things that I would not allow my children to do. Now some of those things remain in tact and are honorable aspirations; however, many of my ideals have since passed by the wayside and I am seeing more and more that there are certain aspects of life with children that just happen, despite your best efforts to be a faithful, responsible and loving parent. This was our day...

We began the morning early as usual. The boys were excited because we had told them last night that we were going to a new church this morning that was far away (New Life Presbyterian in Philly). I had ironed all our clothes the night before so as to offset some of the chaos that always accompanies Sunday mornings in our house. Nevertheless, the morning was still a little stressful as Ethan was tired and refused to eat his breakfast.

We managed to get out the door mostly on time and arrived at a local church parking lot where we were meeting up with others also going to this church. Upon our arrival, we told the kiddos that we were going to stay in the van while Daddy went to see when we were planning to head out. It didn't take long before we realized that we would not be leaving right away, so Tom told the kids they could get out. They began running around the parking lot and eventually climbed back in the van to play. While all this was going on, Tom and I were trying to watch the kids and maintain conversations with people we had just met for the first time. Out of the corner of my eye I saw our van move slightly and thought for a split second that the kids were jumping around inside. It did not take long before I realized the van was moving in reverse!!! I yelled and ran over to the van immediately shouting at Tom to help. He quickly ran to the front seat where Ethan was seated and "driving" the van! AHHHHH! Tom, recognizing that he had left the keys in the van, was not too hard Ethan but reprimanded him... and thus began our day. Praising God for his mercy and protection, we headed out to Philly and I could feel the growing nervousness in my stomach as to what the day would be like with three little ones, no naps and a rough beginning to our little excursion.

To my surprise the kids did okay...until lunch. At lunch Ellie was quite tired and finally fell asleep. I carefully placed her into her infant seat not wanting to buckle her in so as not to wake her. Bad choice. I kept a careful eye on her but when both of the boys accidentally spilled their lemonade all over the table and I was cleaning it up, Ellie decided to wake up, wiggled her way out of the infant seat and landed on the floor under the bench that her seat was next to (her infant seat was already on the ground so she did not slip far--but still!!!). As I was trying to clean up lemonade, I see several people run over to where Ellie's car seat is to rescue her and at this point am feeling like a complete failure as a parent. Overwhelmed with my kids and annoyed at my husband (which was not his fault because he was trying to help), I smiled and thanked those around me for their assistance and tried to display some level of composure while inwardly feeling quite unraveled. We wrapped up with lunch, said our goodbyes and left for home. The ride was quiet as all the kids were quite tired from their misadventures and Tom and I were likewise quite exasperated.

We came home and I experienced a solace that can only be felt when one feels as unsettled as I did today. I wonder if that is just a glimpse of what it will feel like when the Lord calls me Home. The sensation was one of relief, security and familiarity. It was great to be home again. The kids were wonderful the rest of the evening and now here I am typing, anticipating crawling into bed and getting some rest.

Overall, the day was not a complete failure. We were tremendously blessed by the worship service at the church we attended. We got to spend the day fellowshipping with faithful saints and we had several meaningful conversations along the way. God certainly gave us grace today and reminded me that the goal of raising children is not to demonstrate to the world that I have it altogether. I clearly do not. Still, by His mercy, I know He will be faithful to give me the patience and strength that I need for tomorrow to love my children and teach them to obey and fear God.

In closing, it is days like today that remind me of the constant ache we all feel for our heavenly Home. We search for comfort, security and rest in the familiarity of our earthly homes but in reality this is only a glimpse of the repose of the soul that we will experience when we are united with Christ in Heaven. As I end this day, I am reminded of Isaiah 40:11 where Isaiah writes, "He tends his flock like a shepherd: He gathers the lambs in his arms and carries them close to his heart; he gently leads those that have young."

As I begin this week, I look ahead to the gentle and sustaining care of my God. Goodnight and more posts to come...

Ellie's Debut

The Meaningful in the Mundane...

Hello. I am debating whether or not I should keep this blog since it is sorely neglected and I feel like there is never enough time to keep up on my posts...I guess it is what it is for now. Anyway, this one's for you Abby (she gently chided me for not posting more often :-))

Today was one of those days where very few thoughts of significance ran through my mind (although my morning started with Psalms reading at a friend's which was very significant and convicting). I came home to Zachary and Ethan requesting breakfast every other minute. First it was eggs, then it was oatmeal and then Zachary decided it should be pancakes. I decided to go with eggs, much to his dismay. Then Ethan had an accident and stomped in the puddle of pee he made on the floor. Then we did preschool. Then Ethan had an accident. Then we went to the store. We came home, the kids played so nicely and I reminded Ethan to go to the bathroom. Five minutes later, Ethan peed on the floor. Can you catch the reoccurring theme of my day? Hmmm...I think potty-training is overrated. Nevertheless, I will persevere because last week he did so well!

I am also thinking that the abundance of shallow thoughts that have been swimming around in my foggy head is the result of 4 1/2 months of no sleep. Will Ellie ever sleep through the night? I should do a poll on that! Maybe tonight will be better...but I doubt it!

Still, at the end of the day, I love being a mom and I love being a part of all the little mundane things that occupy our days...even if I don't always feel like I love it! Zachary said to me today, "Mommy, every day Daddy has to go to work but you have to stay here with us. I want you stay here with us because I love you!" And that reminds me of the importance of the ordinary events that comprise this season of our lives.

So, last but not least, Ellie requested that she be able to make a personal appearance on this blog and I agreed. Sorry this came out so dark but I hope you enjoy (gotta love the Mohawk and her cute little tongue!)...

Ummm...nevermind it didn't work so check out my next post!

Toddler Talk-- Part 2

So once a week I will post on silly things the kids have said or done for that week. Here are some of the conversations that took place this week...

Zachary: Did Daddy and Ethan drive to the doctor? Well, they should walk because walking is better because then you can run and go really really fast. It's better than riding a bike cause a bike is hard up hills but when you run you can go really really fast.

Zachary: Hey Ethan, Lightning McQueen won because he is gooder."

Zachary: In the morning Zachary said to me,"Mommy, I went upstairs in my room and Ethan is sleeping. His two hot blankets are on the floor (what Zachary calls Ethan's two warm fuzzy blankets he likes to sleep with) and his feet are freezing so I covered his toes for him but I will finish covering him this afternoon. "

Zachary: "Mommy, I am better now because you took my temperature."

Zachary: While in toy aisle at Target Zachary says, "Mommy, did God make these toys?"

Ethan: "My baby hungry (referring to his Glo Worm which he affectionately calls his baby), me need to feed baby like mommy (as he lifts up his shirt and pretends to breastfeed his Glo Worm out of his tummy). He then proclaims, 'Me not like mommy, me Ethan!"

Ethan: "Where'd your new 'PBS' toy go Daddy?" (Referring to Tom's new Magellan GPS)

Ethan: In response to the question, "What did you like best at the park today?" Ethan responds, "Me like going to the potty and go pee-pee." (Just an aside, this park was so cool! It had this giant web-like thing for the kids to climb, big rock formations, a zip line and all sorts of great things to play on. And what does Ethan like best--the outhouse! Hmm...)

Well, more to come later...I think next time I may put a little video clip of Ellie, just so she can make her debut on this blog.

Have a great Saturday!

Toddler Talk

A Day's Thoughts, by Zachary and Ethan...

Ethan the Nurturer

Zachary fell asleep this afternoon on the futon and awoke with a fever. In an attempt to wake him and move him upstairs I said to Zachary, "Honey, let's wake up and go to your bed...Honey...come on buddy," and so on and so forth.

Ethan, having observed this whole series of supplications, made his way over to his big brother, began stroking Zachary's hair and started in his expressive sing-songy voice, "Zatry, honey, come Zatry, oh honey, you sick?"

Ethan On Potty-training

I had a friend over today and while we were visiting Zachary announced that he had to go to the bathroom. Very excited over this opportunity to go potty with his brother, Ethan ran to join in on the fun! I let Ethan go up to our second floor bathroom (our only bathroom) to go potty like a 'big boy' without my supervision. OOPS! When I came upstairs both boys were naked staring at the wall. Ethan looked at me with a timid smile and proclaimed, "Me go pee-pee like a big boy. Me miss. Me go pee-pee on wall." NOTE TO SELF: Ethan is not old enough to go unsupervised in these matters!

Zachary On the Movie 'CARS'

Zachary has really been into the Disney-Pixar film, 'CARS' of late and addressed some of his aspirations to me before bed tonight. This is what he said...

"Mommy, I need a Fabulous Hudson Hornet because I've never had one and they go really fast. Maybe when we grow up we can get one and go really fast...cause they're really fast."

I think we have established that Hudson Hornets go really fast.

Well, I am exhausted tonight as I only had about three uninterrupted hours of sleep last night. I will write again soon and was so encouraged to get feedback by so many of you! Thank you! Sleep well.

Hot Days and Rainy Nights

So today was a tiresome day. It was so hot here, at least 97 degrees Fahrenheit, and the moisture just hung in the air. I try to be hopeful on days like these but the reality is that it is too hot to do anything but swim and sit. Nevertheless, we attempted to plow through our 'to do' list, accomplishing very little except irritating each other all day. Gotta love days like this. I breathed a sigh of relief when the kids went to sleep tonight and pray that this undeterred heat will lessen. Having only two window units to cool the entire house, things get pretty warm.

Some things on my mind tonight...

Last night Tom awoke to gun shots and police cars. That's the second time in three years that we have heard gun shots on this street. I do not feel as threatened as I thought I would, but again it makes me question what we are doing here. For the most part, life is usually pretty quiet and safe here. God has truly been at work in the hearts of people on this block and after three years, we are only beginning to deepen our relationships with our neighbors. Nevertheless, when things like this happen, I still question our resolve to stay. Ahhh....I guess ultimately I must rest in the sovereignty of our Holy God. But having said that, I am not always sure what that looks like.

Also...

I have observed in conversations of late, that too often propriety is valued over honesty, sentimentality wins over truth and we relentlessly pursue distraction in order to keep ourselves from reflecting on the struggles which should unite us Christians. Too often it seems that our dialogue is anemic. This superficiality troubles me because I know I am an expert at politely staying uninvolved. I pray that I would have the courage to recognize these pervasive conversational evils in myself. Hmm...

Good night.

And here it goes...

Well, this is my first attempt at a blog. I love to write but have not done much writing since college. Although I may not post often, it is my hope this blog will serve as a tool for me to finally articulate some of what I think about on a regular basis. I will also post on the kiddos and all that is happening with them so as keep you all up to date on the Baileys. Depending on my day, I may say too much or not enough...I am looking forward to your feedback on my musings. Alas, as much as I would love to write more on this inaugural post, I have to go to bed since little Eliana will be waking in the next few hours. Until later...